Shiver
by Sailor Elysia
Summary: alternate reality/canon/songfic coming from the first half of the R season, playing with Usagi's feelings some time after the battle with the Dark Kingdom. Based on the song by Jaime O'Neal.


Shiver 1/1  
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]  
PG  
  
lyrics are from Jaime O' Neal's CD Shiver, SM belongs to Naoko, I'm just lucky that I still own my overactive imagination... I think.  
  
  
  
  
*****************  
Don't know how you do it  
Like there's nothing to it  
You just look my way  
*****************  
  
It wasn't even two weeks after she fought with her life to seal away the awful forces of the Dark Kingdom. It was peaceful. Things were back to normal. Usagi was relieved that the fighting was finally over.   
  
Then she caught Mamoru's eye as she walked in, and he glanced at her while he was talking to Motoki. At that moment Usagi felt her world stop, and she gulped nervously, trying to think of something to say in case Mamoru spoke to her.  
  
But he didn't. It was like she wasn't even there, even though she knew he saw her. Perhaps he didn't want to talk about all that had happened, he didn't want to know that he had been under the influence of the Dark Kingdom, fighting against her and the senshi.   
  
Usagi didn't blame him, really. She wouldn't want to know about those things either. She never wanted to fight in the first place. She was grateful to find out her true heritage, though at the same time she cursed it. It wasn't fair, discovering that the princess they had been searching for so long turned out to be her. Usagi was disappointed to say the least, and while the others hadn't mentioned it, she was afraid that they would also be disappointed in her.  
  
She sighed and turned to leave the arcade, finding that her normally voracious appetite had somehow disappeared. But as she walked towards the door, Usagi suddenly felt a hand latch onto her arm. Mamoru still sat at the counter, chatting with Motoki, but his firm grip and solemn gaze said otherwise.  
  
He raised an eyebrow, and Usagi nodded, knowing exactly what he wanted.  
  
They had a lot to talk about.  
  
*****************  
You come a little closer  
I lose my composure  
Don't know what to say  
*****************  
  
Taking a deep breath, Usagi raised a nervous hand and knocked on the door to Mamoru's apartment, where they had agreed to meet. So many things to say to him.   
  
The door opened and Usagi's gaze met with Mamoru's once again. They stood there like that for a moment, then his face relaxed into a slight smile. "Hi."  
  
"Hi."   
  
She gulped. So far, so good.  
  
Mamoru let Usagi into his apartment and showed her to the sofa, then retreated into the kitchen. "Would you like some tea, Usagi-chan?"  
  
"Hai," she replied nervously. Something was definitely up. He called her Usagi-chan and offered her tea. No Odango Atama. No cracks about how she ate too much. She was in for some serious talking.  
  
He brought the tea out on a tray, set it down on the table before her, poured two cups, then handed one to Usagi. As Mamoru sat down on the opposite end of the couch, he smiled again at her, throwing her completely off guard and twisting her insides into a thousand knots. Mamoru had never smiled like that before.   
  
*****************  
I'm overwhelmed, you smile, I melt  
And somewhere inside, oh baby, I  
*****************  
  
"It surprised me that you knew exactly what I was going to ask you without having to ask at all," Mamoru said, breaking the silence. Usagi stared longingly into her teacup. "I guess we both knew we needed to talk."  
  
"Usagi-chan," he said suddenly, with an air of command in his voice. "I'm over here, not in the teacup. Please look at me?" Her head whipped up and she stared at him, eyes wide with emotion. So many things to say to him... where did she start?  
  
"I guess I should start off by apologizing to you, Usagi-chan," he mumbled, setting his half-empty cup back on the tray. "I knew everything that was going on while I was under the control of the Dark Kingdom, yet I could do nothing to stop it. I'm sorry, Usagi-chan. I never wanted to hurt you."  
  
"It wasn't your fault, Mamoru-san. Like you said, you had no control over what they did to you. I'm sorry that you remember what they made you do. It wasn't a very happy time, ne? I don't want to remember it either."  
  
Mamoru chuckled, surprising Usagi again with his show of emotion. "I think we can set that aside. But there's something else I wanted to talk to you about."  
  
Usagi gulped again and shivered slightly. Here it was. The subject she tried to avoid talking about with everyone else since it happened. But now there was no running away. No more changing the subject. Deep down she wanted to know the truth as much as he did.  
  
*****************  
Shiver, tremble, I never  
No I never once felt so much  
It shakes me how you take me  
Deeper than I've ever been  
It's to the core, under my skin I  
Shiver  
*****************  
  
Usagi was so deep into her thoughts that she didn't notice Mamoru was now sitting closer to her. "Usagi-chan..." he started slowly, "What about everything that happened before the Dark Kingdom took me? I want to know...where does this leave us?"  
  
"Us?" she echoed, trying out the unfamiliar word. Together... with Mamoru... now that was something she never dreamed of. "I don't know. Where should we be?"  
  
She jumped as he gently took her hand into his. "Relax," he said sharply, a bit of the old Mamoru emerging. "Unless you don't want me to hold your hand..."  
  
"No!" Usagi burst out, suddenly embarrassed. "I mean, no, it's fine. I'm just not used to having someone like you hold my hand."  
  
"Someone like me?"  
  
She blushed. "You have to admit we were never on the friendliest of terms, Mamoru-san. Doesn't this seem a little strange to you at all?"  
  
He thought about it for a moment, then smiled. "Not really. Maybe it would have before, but now... I'm comfortable around you. I feel safe."  
  
Usagi's eyes widened. Ironic that her once arch-enemy should feel safe in her company. Still... his hand on hers was such a nice, warm feeling... was it strange to think of herself as a long lost princess, with her prince finally by her side?  
  
*****************  
I love the way your whisper  
Slowly, softly lingers  
In my ear  
*****************  
  
But she wasn't really a princess. Not anymore. In a flash she was up from the couch and at the window, frozen like a statue. It was too much, too sudden. She was too afraid to speak, not knowing what to say or worried that she wouldn't say the right thing.  
  
"I want to be near you, Usagi-chan..." he suddenly whispered into her ear while his hands clasped around her waist. Gasping softly, she turned to face him, her eyes searching his deep blue gaze, finding herself unable to pull away. "Ma-Mamoru-san, are you just saying that because of what we were in the past or is there something else?"  
  
"What do you mean?" came his puzzled reply. His hands stroked her long tresses methodically, the slow motion of it nearly putting Usagi into a trance.  
  
*****************  
You move a little lower  
The world starts spinning slower  
Then it disappears  
*****************  
  
Her eyes closed halfway as Mamoru continued to play with her hair, his fingers gently brushing the side of her neck every so often. Usagi nearly lost herself in the moment, his hypnotizing touch tingling all over her body, she could almost let go of all her fears...  
  
But she couldn't. Not until she knew the truth. And she could only find that out from one person.  
  
"Mamoru-san, please. I need to know how you really feel. Are you acting this way because of our past or is this the way you feel now?"  
  
His hands suddenly dropped, and he shifted his gaze to look her fully in the eyes. "You really want to know, don't you?" he replied softly, searching for any signs of doubt in Usagi's expression. She nodded. "It's not that I don't believe you, but it just seems like you've made this sudden turn around... I almost don't recognize you as the Mamoru I knew before. You haven't called me Odango Atama at all."  
  
"I thought you hated that name," Mamoru chuckled.  
  
"It's different now! I like it when 'you' call me that!" she exclaimed, then slapped a hand over her mouth. Tears came to her eyes, and Usagi shook her head ever so slightly. "Gomen, Mamoru-san, I shouldn't have said anything. I--I don't belong here, I should go."  
  
"Usagi."  
  
*****************  
Your lips so close, we kiss almost  
Just barely touch, but that's enough  
To make me  
*****************  
  
Mamoru took her by the hand, and suddenly pulled her into a fierce embrace. "You want to know why I've had such a sudden change of heart? Before all of this, I was alone. Then you showed up, and gave me hope. Then the best thing of all, I find out about my past. So what if I was a prince and you were the princess? You're still in my life. How could I not care about you?"  
  
His face was inches away from hers, and Usagi could feel his warm breath tickling her skin. One step more and his lips would be upon hers... was she ready for this? Her heart made up her mind for her, and her eyes shut, anticipating the magical moment.  
  
But it didn't come. Usagi opened her eyes again, finding Mamoru's gaze fixed firmly upon her. "Is something wrong?" she finally said, which won a small smile from him. "No, nothing at all. I just like looking at you. I can't believe I never realized how beautiful you really are."  
  
Usagi blushed furiously and he only smiled more. "You'll stay with me, won't you Usa? I need you, and maybe somehow you need me too. I want to be there with you to face the future, and when we find peace, then we can live happily ever after like the fairy tales."  
  
She grinned, then without hesitation, she replied, "Hai, Mamoru-san... I'll be there whenever you need me." He clung to her tightly and Usagi buried her face in his chest, happy to have found her soulmate at last...  
  
"Usagi..." she heard his voice echo softly.  
  
*****************  
Shiver, tremble, I never  
No I never once felt so much  
It shakes me how you take me  
Deeper than I've ever been  
It's to the core, under my skin I  
Shiver...  
*****************  
  
"Usagi..."  
  
"Usagi! I know you didn't get much sleep last night, but please try to pay attention. We have to figure out where this new energy is coming from and why it wants to harm more people."  
  
The blonde girl sighed and nodded. "I know, Rei-chan, I know. It's just hard for me to remember while he doesn't." She turned to the midnight colored cat sitting between Ami and Minako. "Luna, are you sure there's nothing you can do?"  
  
The cat shook her head sadly. "Gomen, Usagi-chan. But my power can't affect him at all. Mamoru-san will just have to remember on his own."  
  
Usagi looked off into the distance again. "What if he never remembers? Are we doomed to never cross paths again?"  
  
Makoto patted Usagi's shoulder. "Don't give up yet, Usagi-chan. Even if he doesn't remember the past, you ought to give him something to remember in the present."  
  
"Maybe," she replied distantly. "I'm going home now. I'd better get some more sleep before Rei-chan and Luna have reason to yell at me again." Usagi waved to her friends, and as she left the arcade, she grinned and called out a hello to Mamoru who was again sitting at the counter. "Ja ne, Mamoru-san!"  
  
He didn't have time to reply, but he could swear he felt a small chill because he couldn't stop the shiver that rushed through his body at that moment... as if he had forgotten a very important feeling...   
  
*****************  
Shiver...  
***************** 


End file.
